Collaboration or Competition. Both have this really healthy side of them. However, even competitions are more fun to watch when they involve a form of collaboration. It is difficult to talk about work without talking about collaboration. We were not meant to be alone. In fact, we were created to work together. Those who know me well understand that I am a very introverted person. However, if you just met me, you probably wouldn’t know that at all. It has taken many, many years of encouragement to bring me out of my lovely, safe, quiet shell. Eventually, the deep desire to learn and accomplish goals through collaboration took a hold of me and became more valuable than my quiet moments alone.

Collaboration, in its raw form, requires a solid understanding of your place in the world. Confidence in what you know and what you don’t know. Collaboration also requires knowing the skills and talents that others possess as well. It’s about believing that each person you come into contact with has something of value to share with you. Each person has their faults, but those faults should not discount their contribution… but frame it. Collaboration recognizes that every individual has SOMETHING to give, no matter how small. Sometimes the smallest things bring the greatest breakthroughs. It’s how the really big problems get solved.

One day, a small band of motorcyclists stopped by our local church. They led the service that day. In this little rural town a little like Mayberry, this gang of cyclists appeared with tattoos and kerchiefs and leather. My kids ADORED it SO much that one of my younger children yelled from the pews, “Mom! Look! Pirates!” He was so excited to have pirates to worship with him that day. I could have been embarrassed that my child pointed out someone’s differences for the entire world to see. But in actuality, I was proud. And it was because my child saw this difference as AWESOME! He had something to learn from these ‘pirates’. They enhanced his life WITH their difference.

He not only embraced different… He appreciated it.

Sometimes in our grown-up world of meetings and board rooms, it is difficult to appreciate pirates. It’s easier to yield to majority rules. However, if the majority thinks like me, acts like me and agrees with me. Why bother. For years I worked in the financial sector. There were dozens and dozens of meetings where I was the only female in the room. Not ever once, working for my small organization, did I ever notice. However, the very first meeting I attended at the Fortune 500 that acquired us, I became a pirate. It was SO outstanding in the room several of my male co-workers actually started asking where all the women might be. The workers replied, “I don’t know. We just don’t promote them.” Afterwards, I talked with my mother about it. I couldn’t quite figure out why this meeting was different from all the rest. It was not the first time I was the only woman. But it was the first time it was incredibly noticeable.

Why was the LACK of diversity so noticeable here?

We came up with some great reasons. I think these are applicable regardless of gender or ethnicity. I won’t begin to talk about what makes EVERY person who is different feel like they are accepted. However, I can talk about what I think would have helped in this case. Really, when it all boiled down, embracing diversity starts with really GOOD collaboration skills.

Find Common Ground

This is just good common sense if you are REALLY serious about building teams out of diverse people. If you’re at a dinner table, in a meeting room, at lunch or basically anywhere in a group and you notice someone just hasn’t said much, this would be the opportunity to try and find a topic they know about. Just stop your current conversation, Pinterest or baseball, and ask if they follow it. It’s not that offensive. Work your way up from the specific to the general. Maybe they aren’t into your local team, but might follow the sport. Maybe they aren’t into the sport, but follow another one. Maybe they don’t follow sports, but have some great stories about fans who follow sports. Or maybe they’d like to learn more about the sport. Just engage. Not everyone will respond, but most people will genuinely appreciate being included in a conversation instead of on the outside looking into it. Don’t try to explain it before you see if they already know about it. Instead, try to figure out THEIR experience. Somewhere in there, you are going to find SOMETHING shared. This is absolutely CRITICAL for teams. When we tread through uncertain times, we revert to common ground. If there is no common ground, there is nothing to stand on together. It is easy to dismiss this as ‘small talk’. However, I think small talk often leads to big trust. If I can trust you to include me in the small things, then I will trust you with my big ideas later. For an introvert, small talk is hard. It is worth the effort for the reward.

Go Places Everyone Can Go

Okay, this is probably more prevalent in gender differences, but I’ve seen it in other ways as well. It seems like common sense. However, as the saying goes, common sense is not always common. Let me give you an obvious example. If you are in a group conversation and you go to the bathroom, just be aware that most men or women cannot follow you INTO that restroom. I guess maybe in some places. But, in general, its a GREAT way to shut off collaboration. This goes for religious institutions, restricted access places or maybe just meetings your colleagues were not invited to join. This is a REALLY easy thing to avoid. Just stop someone or yourself from talking and say, “I have to step in here really quick, let’s continue this when I’m done.” And, you know, if half the group cannot follow you there… it would be best not to come out STILL talking about it. Or in my case, have basically finished the meeting in the men’s room. You could not have spoken more loudly about my value when it doesn’t matter to you that I am no longer allowed to be in the room.

Don’t Dominate…

Collaboration has two parts. Listening and Speaking. Of all the teams I have been on, trouble with these two issues make it extremely hard to build collaboration. If someone has a dominate personality, they will steer the conversation. They want the conversation about things that demonstrate their expertise. This person might also feel they have something to prove about the subject and insist on everyone being made aware of the critical nature of their contribution… as to assign their contribution its appropriate weight. Sometimes they speak over the top of others. Sometimes they ramble on for hours without anyone getting in a word. They think they are making conversation, but they have no idea what anyone else thinks or why. They might have assumed because 2 people are actively engaged, the rest of the group gives 2 cents about what they’ve said. Intelligence is just as much about curiosity and genuine interest in other thoughts as it is about know-how and demonstration of experience. If you’re this person, you are not contributing to collaboration. Stop. Listen ALL THE WAY through someone’s idea. It will help you understand where they can help. Who knows… you might NOT know everything. If you value collaboration, take the time to make sure you are collaborating.

…But Don’t Be a Wall Flower

It seems like it goes without saying, but the wall flower is also the enemy of collaboration. This person might view themselves as the ‘peace maker’ or the person who ‘doesn’t want to stir the pot’. In reality, you have to give of yourself and your experiences. In my last blog post I talked about creativity as the lifeblood of innovation. I also said that creativity comes from each individual person’s unique experience. Even if they only have one relevant experience. It is amazing how ONE person’s single experience can change the way people view a problem. If you want the absolute best solution, you need to know the WHOLE problem. You need to turn it around and look at it from multiple angles. Don’t rob the rest of your team from your position on the problem. Ask questions. In a good team, you have the right not to know everything. So there are no ‘silly’ questions. Relate the problem to similar problems you have had and see if a solution to those problems might apply to this one. Get involved.

Really, collaboration is the ability to put together the creative experiences of multiple people to solve a real problem. We do these meeting styles in our office that I’ve grown to really appreciate. Our brainstorming sessions begin with people bringing all their solutions to the problem. You aren’t allowed to comment on anyone’s solutions. We just document them for others to hear. It’s an opportunity to recognize that different people solve things different ways. Secondly, we insist on building on existing ideas first. In other words, you are required to pick out your two favorite solutions. They can be yours, but we encourage you to pick others’ ideas first. Lastly, each person gets a chance to throw out a solution that just doesn’t work for them. We are fairly dominate personalities in our group. However, some people think very quickly, high level. Some people like to think in slow detail. This method gives slow, detailed people time to process and forces faster, high-level thinkers to wait for a reason behind a solution they typically might have kicked aside. The reason is important. It forces us to think more deeply and critically.

If you can master collaboration and bring dozens of people together to solve a problem, you win. Sometimes managers refer to collaborators as someone with ‘people-skills’. The truth is, collaboration is NOT just for those with ‘people-skills’. It is learned behavior. You have to learn not to shut someone down because you don’t like the first thing they said. You have to learn to listen to understand instead of listen to respond. You have to actually be interested in other people.

This learned behavior can happen even at home. Teaching your kids to appreciate differences lets them know that different has value. It cuts down fear and opens up curiosity. It builds humility. You don’t have to agree on everything to find good solutions to real problems. I can guarantee good solutions to real problems often require more than just one person’s ideal. The win comes in valuing solutions solved together more than those solved by simply my own ideas.