If you are just starting these posts, I encourage you to read more about this project here…

Truth #6: We are more to the world than the one thing we do to each other.

This is the post that I hope you read more than anything. Especially if you feel rage, hate, or indifference at humanity or just one person right now. During this exercise, some of my closer friends have pulled me aside to ask me what I was going to say when I got to a specific person. They knew how that person had hurt me. Belittled me. Made fun of me behind my back. It bristled them… and me. Folks, I’m human. Not all people like me. I don’t like all people. My human response to those who don’t like me or agree with me is to bristle like a porcupine to protect what is left of myself. It is an impossibility for every person to be our ‘cup of tea’. However, this exercise created a PERMANENT change in me. One that cannot be separated from my faith. My close personal friends will MOST DEFINITELY tell you, that this is not natural for me. This work was done in me because of Christ. That bears repeating. This work was done in me BECAUSE of Christ and Christ alone.

I think we would all be lying to each other if we looked at every single person on our friend page and said, ‘I have NEVER had a quarrel with any one on this list.’ ‘I have never had a cross word or thought about any person on my friend list, ever.” Or maybe, “I’ve NEVER been jealous of their success or amazing life.” I promise, there are friends on your list that probably feel the same about you. If you were a recipient of my kindness project, right about now you’re probably wondering if you were one of these. It is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter, because of what came next.

My first thought was to just skip those persons. My rule said that I had to be genuine, and that didn’t exist in my own heart at the time. This is honest. This is human. Some of these people didn’t even know how much I knew about what they did or said. They talked badly about me behind my back; they smiled at my failures. They crossed their fingers hoping those failures happened more often and feeling I deserved them more. I don’t want to say a nice thing about them. I want to just skip them. Additionally, anything through ‘pursed lips’ and a ‘bit tongue’ would make the whole labor of love merely an act and invalidate all the work. You’d be able to see right through it. This kind of kindness REQUIRES help. It’s NOT natural.

So… what happened when I got to the first one. First, I reminded myself that I can’t have Christ and hate people. The two are incompatible. So I was praying for Him to help. I was staring at their picture, going through their newsfeed and blindly searching for something kind to say when a small voice inside me pointed me at their friends list. Suddenly the Helper inside me revealed something, “This person IS loved by people who ARE your friends.” What would THEY say about them? It didn’t take long to realize that the piece of them that is incompatible with me, fills a void for others. God made them that way for the benefit of others. It didn’t take long for me to realize that they have the capacity to help my friends in a way that I cannot help BECAUSE of who they are. And not only should I not ‘hate’ that… but I should embrace it on behalf of those I love. If I focus on that, I can see how even those who hate me are valuable to my life and can be loved by me.

Each person is like a snowflake. Unique and different. The things that drive us crazy about them, are often the things that others prefer and appreciate about them. If I can see this, then I can see that they are MORE THAN the one thing they did to me. I can recognize that some of the things many would call my ‘best traits’ would make me completely incompatible with them. And if I can do that, maybe they can see it in their heart to do the same for me. They may never be my new best friend, but maybe we can both find value in each other. After that, it came easy. I could feel genuine love, appreciation and care.

I am ending on this note for my project because it is truly what made it successful. My heart was changed. I have been told by plenty that it changed their day, made their week or that it meant so much to them. But it REALLY changed me. It changed how I saw people. Even people who I thought didn’t deserve my kindness. I was humbled, and that was an important task.

To see people with eyes searching for their value is the way back from our deep divisions. We MUST recognize that in the last few elections, the voting was INTENSELY even for two INTENSELY despised and/or distrusted leaders. We could choose to be ‘stunned’ by our neighbors’ choices or by the choices of our friends. OR, we can choose to see what void is being answered by these leaders in the lives of those we love.

This can work for almost any hotly divided topic. I saw that regardless of how this election turned out, a large majority of Americans are going to feel as though the things that matter to them are under attack. Some of this was INTENTIONAL and careless positioning by media marketing. However, is it possible that we can separate ourselves from that economic engine for a bit and put on our community hat? Should we ask ourselves why our neighbors CARE so much about these things? I, for one, choose NOT to believe it is because half of America is evil. You may not personally care about those things. You may think they don’t matter, especially not according to your life and your point of view. But I think it is clear that they DO matter. To nearly half the country, they matter. And I matter to you and YOU matter to me. Can we start there?

This project was instigated by the vile nature of ‘blanket’ name calling. Words like Snowflakes, Nazis, Conspiracy Theorists, Xenophobes and Socialists were being hurled onto my page describing people I knew personally were NOT those things. Derogatory and horrible words. Words that were an unfair summation of who they truly are to me and others. What I gained was good insight into WHY we do those things. Sometimes, we are so hurt, we fail to see others as anything other than the one thing that embodies those wounds. We sum them up by the ONE THING they did and we characterize their whole person by that action by our singular point of view. This can keep us from acknowledging that people have value and EQUAL worth. We presume their intent as humans, without embracing the fullness of their humanity and the void they fill in the world. These presumptions make it impossible for us to listen. If we cannot listen, then we cannot communicate. Because we cannot communicate, we cannot unite.

Let me encourage you to love this season. Not blindly, but intentionally finding the things to love. The kind of sacrificial love that requires you to care for someone despite the one thing they did to you. Let me encourage you to see the void others fill in the world, before you dismiss the value of their needs. Spend some time raining encouragement in a desert of weary souls. Take a moment and reflect on the way you ripple into the world both physically and digitally.

If you are a believer in Christ, let me make a humble request from Paul’s words in his letter to the Ephesians. I was recently reminded of this verse by my father at JUST the right time. It wraps things up perfectly. Let me encourage you to notice how forgiveness relates to kindness and compassion.

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. – Ephesians 4:32