Lately certain people around me have been making a huge deal about my status as a female tech company CEO. Note how ‘female’ is always put there. I am really sorry to my male colleagues. Somehow my gender matters more than my ideas these days. *sigh* It is in this role that I often get asked the question… ‘How do you balance your home and work life?”
First of all, let’s talk about that question. Why does it seem like that question primarily gets asked of FEMALE leaders? It seems like every time I present someplace people ask me that question. Every time I go to ‘female leadership events’ that is the first question they ask every woman. But I can count on my elbow the number of times I’ve ever heard it asked of male leaders. Are male leaders somehow exempt from balancing their home lives with their work lives as well? I think we’ll reach equality in the workplace when someone starts asking ‘How do you balance your family life?’ to men. What does it mean to achieve balance?

I think we’ll reach equality in the workplace when someone starts asking ‘How do you balance your family life?’ to men.

I once had a male boss tell me that I might change my mind about a permanent traveling position after my kids were grown. They wouldn’t need me that much when they got bigger and maybe I should reconsider. I’m not sure how long it took him de-frost, but I think I responded with something more like, “You’re missing the point. I need them.” Just last summer I was speaking with an older gentlemen pushing 60. His wife stayed at home and he worked double-shifts so that she could stay home and they could afford things. However, in this very private moment he said the one thing I hope I never have to say, “I don’t really have the kind of relationship with my kids like my wife. They don’t really call or talk to me. I feel like they probably don’t really know me all that well. Sometimes I resent her for that.” Ouch!

Folks… we NEED our families. And here is a shocker…. males AND females need their families. You want to know something else? Both males and females need to work, too. Now before you go all church lady on me about women being called to ‘the home’… I think we need to define what I mean by work. Work is what you put into the world, not what it gives to you. Regardless of whether you are paid, we all need to contribute to the world through more than reproduction. Trust me, I have dozens of friends and family members who classify themselves as ‘stay-at-home’ moms. The most satisfied are those active in volunteerism, church leadership roles or some sort of community need. The remaining typically find themselves more regularly dealing with feelings of insufficiency or dissatisfaction. I also have plenty of “working mom” friends teary-eyed and overladen with guilt about all the things they are missing at home.

Developing a healthy relationship with work is a serious balancing act. It has been negatively affecting me my entire life. I worked full time and went to school full time. However, I gained most of my weight during the first 5 years working for a start-up. It was a war to see who stayed on messenger the longest. I was often up until 2 in the morning. I was 8 months pregnant once and did an overseas trip to London. I went 36 hours without sleep, ending the day with a live client meeting and a national webinar. By the time I left this organization my health was in a huge state of decline. My therapy… starting my own business.

One might wonder why a woman with 4 kids, a business and a full time job could possibly consider herself in workaholic rehab by starting another business. However, what I’ve found is the biggest issue with work life balance is that we assume it is about balancing hours. Ever since the day of hourly wages, we erroneously equate a hard day’s work with the number of hours we worked. Regardless of whether we actually produced anything of value. We stopped thinking about quality and started focusing on quantity. Work-Life balance happens when the work you do relates to the people and things you love.

Work-Life balance happens when the work you do relates to the people and things you love.

I decided to build a company that used my talents to improve the life of my family. Since we owned a small convenience store, it made since to find a niche in that space. At night, when my spouse and I talk about work… we understand each other. We are passionate about each other’s success. When we train our children, we relate stories from our day and engage them in the lessons we have learned. We encourage employees to engage in projects that enable the same sort of balance with their families at home. Work-Life balance isn’t about separating your life from your work, but engaging your life in your work. I’m finding my work to be some of the best I’ve ever done and my home life to be the best it has ever been.

I don’t count hours anymore. Like the farmer in the field next door… the day is done when the field behind me is plowed. And like him, sometimes my kids ride in the tractor with me

Blessings,

Charity

PS. Keep watching for more of what I’m learning on my way to a healthier relationship with work.